There was no fire in my heart: Confession #62

There was no burning in my heart.

I grew up in church. I believed. I was baptized. But that was about it. I read the Bible some. I prayed some. But I did nothing. I was content with things as they were. I was content remaining as I was. I did nothing because there was no passion in my heart. I wanted God and I wanted safety, but the two rarely go together.

My heart was cold.

Then God ignited a fire. I did not want the fire, but he put it there. He did it through a trial. At the time I felt that it was something horribly difficult. It was as if my world had gone completely upside down. I thought it was more than I could handle.

It only felt this bad because I was content with my passionless heart. I was happy being cold. My formulas for God helped keep me cold.

The fire started once I began to really feel his love for me. I gained a better understanding through this trial of how great his love is, and once I not only understood his love, but felt it, the fire could not help but start.

And once the fire started, I not only changed, but I welcomed the change I once feared.

When I think of a cold heart, I usually equate this to not being a Christian. I have wondered about this for myself, whether or not the profession I made at the age of 14 was real, but this wondering is a waste of time and energy. It has not relevance for today.

What matters now is that there is a fire burning in my heart.

My prayer today is that my faith would go from beliefs in my head to a fire in my heart, and that this passion would cause my hands to work, no longer content to sit idle.

My prayer now is that this fire would grow higher.