How to reconcile a relationship

By On January 10, 2011 · 8 Comments

Have you ever had a relationship become broken, but later was able to reconcile?

Several weeks ago I bumped into an old friend at a funeral.  We had not spoken to each other in about two and a half years.  Even though we were both friends of the family who had recently experienced the loss of a loved one, it was a complete surprise to run into one another.  After sharing pleasantries, he expressed the desire to get together.  Within the next week he emailed back and then we set up a time to meet for coffee.

We had been friends for about ten years when something difficult happened.  We found ourselves on the opposite sides of an issue.  Looking back, we could have very easily maintained a relationship despite this new disagreement, but we did not.  We let things happen in such a way that feelings were hurt and we went separate ways.

I was uncertain before we met.  Would he rehash the past?  Would I be told that I was wrong?

As we sat down over coffee he began by explaining that he cared about me and that he was sorry for any hurt that he had caused me.  There were no accusations or conflict.  We were able to forgive one another.

I wanted to share this because it is what happens in our relationship with God.  We had this great relationship going with him.  Then we did some stuff that  messed it all up.

Even though the conflict was totally our fault, God took the initiative.  He made reconciliation happen.  It wasn’t cheap, but he decided that we were worth it.  And now we are friends again.  The relationship that was broken has been restored.

If we are to be just as our father is, then we should be actively engaged in trying to reconcile broken relationships.  We should take the initiative and contact the person we have been estranged from.  We also need to avoid negative divisive language.  Most importantly we need to forgive.

Is there someone in your life that you could call and get together over coffee and discuss reconciliation?

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  • http://Www.onebrighthour.com Angela Zimmerman

    I have done similar things and am grateful for the movement of the Holy Spirit. What joy to be rectified with another after these misinderstandings. It certainly demonstrates the power of God in our lives. I’ve learned two things about the process. (1) Don’t assume things are going to get back to normal once you’ve asked forgiveness. Some people hold on to grudges and process these things much slower than others. I was sad when, after seeking forgiveness, a friend wasn’t truly ready to rectify. It doesn’t change my love for her, but the relationship isn’t restored, either. (2) Always have a forgiving heart to those who’ve hurt you. Love them, pray for them, and seek the best for them. But approaching them with forgiveness before they have been pierced by the Holy Spirit to see their sin can backfire and cause great confusion. I’m not saying we should hate and hold a grudge, I’m simply saying that we should be careful with open forgiveness. Jesus says we souls go to our brother who has sinned, and there’s a process he gives for that. But he does not tell us to go to him with forgiveness (though our hearts should always be ready for it) if the sinner is not willing to repent of his sin.

    • http://www.confessionsofalegalist.com Jeremy

      Reconciliation and forgiveness can be a sloppy process. My post made things sound simple, but it isn’t. I wanted to express how God does this with us and glorify him because he does this in our relationship with him.

  • RRB

    Angela’s comments are very perceptive. I too have had mixed results in trying to restore friendships. Sometimes the insistence on being right trumps Proverbs 17:17, in which case we need to learn to forgive and move on (not easy). Not everyone is going to be a loyal friend, even in the church.

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  • Amanda

    Forgiveness just takes one person…you can forgive someone with or without their participation. Reconciliation…a.k.a. restoration of a relationship takes two people. Some relationships may never actually be restored this side of Heaven, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t forgiveness. God shows us through Christ that forgivenessis is always possible (awesome!) but it’s okay if a relationship is not totally restored. Sometimes boundaries are still healthy and necessary for one or both parties

    • http://www.confessionsofalegalist.com Jeremy

      Reconciliation is great, but I agree that it doesn’t have to happen. Forgiveness is important, though. If we do not forgive, then we will harbor bitterness angle that is not good.

  • Stephen Cox

    The Lord knows both hearts,He knows our desire and intent. As Christians we should always be willing even if we are unsure how to go about the process. Where there is a willing spirit I believe at least one of the two can surely have peace in the situation. And likewise both can be reconciled if they are Brethren who desire to love the estranged brother or sister and be as Christ would be to His own a peace maker. I commend you Jeremy and all who have like myself sought to be at peace with all men as much is possible within our own sphere of influence. Blessed,Happy are the peace makers for they shall be called children of GOD.

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