Grace’s Confessions: What a difference a year makes

Last week my parents bought me my very first doll baby.

It was completely unexpected. Our family to a trip to Chicago. Instead of calling it the windy city, I think they should call it the “its entirely too hot to walk around and really enjoy this place much at all” city.

My dad kept calling it the “most painful test in the world” city.

It was really too hot to do much at all, so my mom took me to the American Girl store. This store is amazing. I have never seen so much pink before in all my life.

We walked into the store and I fell in love with a doll. I have not been able to stop smiling at her and laughing with her and patting her on the head.

One of the best parts is that I was allowed to bring the doll home with me. Now she sits in my room and I get to pat her on the head there.

When my mom gave her to me she told me a story. The story is about me, but I do not remember that it ever happened.

My sister has a doll just like my new one. When I was born I was smaller than her doll. Dad told me once that he was walking through my room and the doll was on the floor and it scared him because he thought it might have been me. Now look at me. What a difference a year makes.

When mom tells me this story, she gets tears in her eyes. It makes her both happy and sad. She says she remembers all the fears and worries that she had when I was still in her tummy and just after I came out. Mom started having contractons too early, and she says that she had to be very careful with her activity so that the contractions would slow down.

She was afraid that I would be born to early and not ready for this big world. My lungs might not work well or I would be just too small to keep my body warm enough.

As she tells the story she also gets happy tears in her eyes. She sees me now and how big I am and is thankful that everything is okay. Mom tells me that she had to trust God even when it was scary.

She says that in order to trust God we have to let go. Let go of our fears. Let go of our worries. Let go of our desire to control circumstances and to know the final outcome. We have to surrender ourselves to God’s love.

Her story reminds me of a song that dad plays often. It is called “You have me,” by Gungor

Out on the farthest edge
there in the silence
you were there

My faith was torn to shreds
heart in the balance
but you were there

always faithful
always good
you still have me
you still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
everything broken
but you were there

I’ve wandered heaven’s gates
I’ve made my bed in hell
You were there still

always faithful
always good
you still have me
you still have my heart

You have me
You have my heart completely